{superlefty}

My Presidential Platform: About the Football

Please allow me to address your natural concerns about my being in control of a vast arsenal of nuclear weapons.

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My Presidential Platform: The Second Amendment and Guns

Here is what we are going to do about guns. Superman is going to help.

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My Presidential Platform: Ethics, Baseball, and the Elimination of the Senate

The United States Senate will no longer be concerned with the use of steroids in professional sports. In fact, the United States Senate will no longer be concerned with anything, because it will be abolished as per the advice of Harper’s magazine. Click to read more.

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My Presidential Platform: Security Detail

An even better option than the Secret Service: Jewish parents.

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My Presidential Platform: Sweden and Social Services

Social services: they’re not just for tall, blond people in
countries with bad food and worse weather.

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My Presidential Platform: Balancing the Budget (and Resolving Some Daddy Issues)

Daddy issues are part of any presidency.

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My Presidential Platform: Religion

Mazel tov to The Chief!

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My Presidential Platform: Abortion

A sane, collaborative resolution to the abortion “debate.”

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My Presidential Platform: Middle East Policy

Oy vey, this mishegas is such a shonda.

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A Kid From Queens

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Mississippi…

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