Tom Brokaw didn’t cry. Not eight minutes ago, Tom Brokaw signed off the air forever and damn it, the man didn’t even well up. I dashed home from a rather pleasant wander through the darkening, windswept streets of Brooklyn and parked myself in front of a network television broadcast with a glass of wine and […]
» Read more «When I was a kid growing up in Queens, I did not know that the Unisphere is twelve stories high, nor that it weighs 700,000 pounds, nor that it is the largest structure on Earth made of stainless steel. All I knew was that it was huge and it was in the park where my […]
» Read more «Today is that peculiar holiday on which on which we pretend that acts of colonization and genocide were instead just a dinner party, and that the dysfunction of our families was instead just normal. Did you know that in South America, to kill turkeys, people get the turkey drunk until it dies of alcohol poisoning? […]
» Read more «This post-election red-state/blue-state conventional wisdom is full of perversities. More people get divorced in the red states than the blue states. The amoral gay-marriage condoning pagans in Massachusetts have the lowest divorce rate in the country. The richest states in America–Connecticut, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Maryland and New York–are all blue. The “moral values” people in […]
» Read more «Me: How are you, Mom? Mom: Oh, Emily. I have so much to do. I don’t think I’m going to make it. Me: Well, actually, Mom, none of us are going to make it. Or rather, all of us are going to make it–to the end. So don’t worry so much about whether you are […]
» Read more «Scientists estimate that 106,456,367,669 people have ever lived on Earth. Assuming (conservative estimate) that 10% of those people are gay and 50% of the remaining 90% are women, that leaves 47,905,365,400 people. Assuming the scenario I’m about to describe has happened to every straight woman at least once, we’ll just call this Example #47,905,365,400, give […]
» Read more «Laura Brannigan died this past August, at the early age of 47, of a brain aneurysm in her bed in Quogue. I was saddened to hear this. Laura Brannigan gave us the song “Gloria.” Not “Gloria” the Van Morrison song, “Gloria” the Laura Brannigan song. It went platinum in 1982 and was notably featured in […]
» Read more «Arlen Specter is the new hope for keeping the U.S. out of my ovaries. Why should being under investigation for gerrymandering keep Tom Delay from upholding our moral values as House Majority Leader? Why, indeed. The internet is jumping with frighteningly clever arguments for why the Vietnam-era phrase “we had to destroy the city in […]
» Read more «Howard Dean, having joined the ranks of Al Gore and now John Kerry, is doing what all failed presidential candidates do once they are consigned to the dustbin of history. He is saying things that actually make sense. In a recent speech to students at Northwestern Univeristy, Dean said that Bush appealed “to homophobia and […]
» Read more «And now, another word from my mother. There used to be a television program “Queen for the Day” or was it “Queen for a Day.” My recollection is they paraded out an overweight housewive on daytime TV and put a fucking crown on her head, like Miss America, gave her flowers and prizes which consisted of washing […]
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