Crazy People
There are certain trains, roads and places that always warrant the placement of the phrase “[The] fucking” in front of them. As in, “The fucking G train” or “fucking LaGuardia Airport” or “The fucking DMV.” I-95 is one of those entities. Today the fucking bus broke down on fucking I-95. After a tense half-hour waiting […]
Read MoreI’d Like To Thank the Academy
And the Calphalon Stainless Steel 3 Quart Saute Pan goes to…. “Oh, wow. Wow. What an incredible moment. Just–just so many people. My incredible parents, Ann and Carl, who first made me aware of health hazards not necessarily on the radar of mainstream America. My brother, Noah, who told me that this was a good […]
Read MoreRelationship Woes At the Italian Pastry Shop
“I heard you and your girl broke up. You were together a long time, yeah?”“Two years.”“What happened?”“She was a money-hungry woman.”“Well, you’re a money-hungry guy.”“Exactly. Two money-hungry people is no good.”“But you gave her everything!”“I gave her everything and more.”“So what’d she want?”“She wanted blood.”“You took her to Miami!”“I took her to Italy, too. And […]
Read MoreNoise
Today was one of those days you could hear all the clocks ticking. I sat down after doing the dishes to admire them all lined up in the drainboard, blowing the air past my pursed lips with the authority that says, “What important task am I going to tackle with ease and aplomb next?” but […]
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