Ignorance is Bliss

It’s Friday night and I’ve declined socialization to wash my hair and tend small fires in my house. Very small fires–the one under the coffeepot, the one in the incense holder, and the one that rests in the ashtray. Smoke is curling pleasantly around the room and I’m ignoring my just-washed hair in the hopes that it will behave. It misbehaves when it thinks it can get my attention, and so if I want to make life better for both me and my hair I must ignore it. This is a principle of training dogs that I think can be applied to hair. We can’t get a dog around here because 1) we are irresponsible 2) it is cruel to keep dogs in a concrete jungle and 3) I already shed more hair than a person and a furry animal combined. So I am reduced to domesticating my hair like an animal consciousness I must subjugate so we can coexist.

I’m ignoring the presidential debates as well. In fact, I am ignoring the entire presidential campaign. I will cast my vote at the Swinging Sixties Senior Center on November 2 and then go back to ignoring everyone who lies to me. I have decided to stop listening to people who lie, or at the very least people who have stupid hair and tell boring lies, which will include the government and news media. See, there are people called artists, and they at least make an effort to make their lies, and usually their hair, interesting.

It’s just too frustrating to me that even in the best-case scenario outcome of this bullshit election, the world will still be so incredibly fucked up. Either this horrible fascist asshole is going to keep fucking it up worse than he already has, or this less fascist but still corporate-owned moderate pussy is going to attempt to mitigate some of the fucked-up ness while still fucking it up in a myriad of ways. Oh, wow, I can thank this corporate-owned moderate pussy, if he wins, for being benevolent enough to let me control my own non-corporate owned pussy. Thanks, John Kerry! Also, I would like to say that I think it’s great that when you were at boarding school, you learned to read.

John Kerry briefly won a respite from my loathing by actually finally saying something resembling an actual statement of the truth when he found the balls to publicly interpret the CIA report (otherwise known as exhibit #347 that BUSH LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING) as evidence that BUSH LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING. He said something direct, coherent and true. It must have been very scary for him, but also thrilling. I wonder if he felt truth like a white light in his veins when he said it. When I say something that is really true, I feel truth like a white light in my veins.

While I am too cynical to get truly excited about John Kerry winning this election–relief is the best I can hope for, I am excited about inventing a derisive nickname for John Kerry, and using it to deride him for the many ineffective, pussy-whipped, please-don’t-think-I’m-a-liberal policies he will attempt to enact while continuing this unjust war. If he is not the Moron Puppet of Evil, what will he be? I won’t jinx him by nicknaming him before all the votes (except those of the tens of thousands of black people already purged–again!–from Florida’s rolls and God knows who else’s, Rock the Vote! Unless you’re black! In which case, hope you don’t get arrested!) are in. John Kerry, I look forward to loathing you and your sellout moderate Democrat neoliberal hypocrisy for the next four years.

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