{superlefty}

A Brief Word About Email

I have writ (?) something new after my August hiatus. Here it is. I always plan to write so very much while I’m away, and I do, but in my notebook, not on the computer. The real reason, I’m sad to say, is that the computers in the internet cafes of foreign countries often have […]

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America

I’ve been back on American soil exactly twenty-four hours (eight of them in blissful Xanax slumber) and this is what I’ve observed. The usual things: America is big and rich and profane, but things generally work better and faster here than in other places. By “things” I don’t mean ideas like happiness or democracy, but […]

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Home Alone

Now I am home alone. What do I do when I’m home alone? I drink whiskey neat in a tiny Morroccan glass. I watch Sex and the City. I don’t wear underwear and I wear my glasses. I smoke pot and rearrange my furniture. I am suddenly siezed by urges to find pieces of paper […]

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Safe

There is a song that the naked ladies with the ukeleles played, and it is haunting me. They sang the chorus a capella as they thumped their thumbs against their ukeleles, and it had the word “night” in it, and it’s the only song I want to hear right now. And it sounds like another […]

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Deja Vu in Death Valley

Recently I was in Death Valley, looking for the nearest liquor store and feeling most peculiar. My skin felt like it was about to burst into flames, but it was the nagging sense of deja vu that was really bothering me. There was something about this town and its few buildings that was oddly familiar, […]

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Travel Advisory

The media loves to report on how porous airport security really is, but I can tell you firsthand that if you take an army regulation ammunition box, slap a skull and crossbones sticker on the side of it and fill this box with wires, batteries and electronic devices, your will get a reaction out of […]

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Research

Blog! said Greg Daly, so I blog. Normally, Greg Daly drives the van, but he’s resting in the backseat and Franz is driving. I’m here in traffic in southern California, drunk, in a van with a six-person rock and roll band. Normally, they’re an eight-person rock and roll band, but some people have to work, […]

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Barney

Naturally, I celebrated the overly mythologied beginning of this vile empire by hiding from a misogynist cockatoo in the hills outside of Portland, Oregon. It wasn’t too hard to hide, since both the cockatoo and I were in the mansion of the Kentucky Fried Chicken scion, and there was plenty of room for both of […]

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Travel Wardrobe Neurosis

So I’ve been busying myself making money and laying plans to entertain you with tales from places not New York this summer. I’ve made so many plans I’m exhausted just trying to pick a flashlight for each of them. How do you pack for a week of camping on the West Coast followed immediately by […]

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Promises, Promises

I promised you neatness, I promised you nausea. I promised you a wedding and a war and a volcano. I promised you Dr. Michael S. Cohen and his magical wall-mounted ear-vaccum. Here are the first two. The others require true love, proper attire, hundreds of thousands of people and their equivalent tonnage in tanks, landing […]

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