{superlefty}

My Presidential Platform: Ethics, Baseball, and the Elimination of the Senate

The United States Senate will no longer be concerned with the use of steroids in professional sports. In fact, the United States Senate will no longer be concerned with anything, because it will be abolished as per the advice of Harper’s magazine. Click to read more.

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My Presidential Platform: Security Detail

An even better option than the Secret Service: Jewish parents.

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My Presidential Platform: Sweden and Social Services

Social services: they’re not just for tall, blond people in
countries with bad food and worse weather.

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My Presidential Platform: Religion

Mazel tov to The Chief!

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My Presidential Platform: Abortion

A sane, collaborative resolution to the abortion “debate.”

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A Kid From Queens

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Mississippi…

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My Presidential Platform: Homeland Security and the Military

Here is what we are going to do about war.

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Manifesting Destiny

Today, I announce my presidency. Please join me on this journey. I have stickers.

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