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Homecoming

The other day I was reading my New Yorker on the [f***ing] G train when I smelled smoke. My neurotic fears of death by terrorism on the subway were trumped by my equally developed New Yorker non-plussability. The smell of smoke was in no way linked to any thoughts of death, nor to even consciousnly […]

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Digital Trauma

A month ago I slammed my finger in a door. I blame my boyfriend for this. We were in the bar where we went on what could be called our first date, which was actually a weekend-long hangout a little over a year ago. As I walked into the bathroom I was flooded with memories […]

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Please Forgive Us For the Slight Delay. We’re Sorry For Any Inconvenience It May Have Caused You.

Yes, there was a new post, but it had question marks where all the apostrophes and quotation marks should be, and that’s not very pleasant, is it? It will be here for your reading pleasure as soon as I have time to remove all the question marks and replace them with the proper punctuation. I […]

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Crazy People

There are certain trains, roads and places that always warrant the placement of the phrase “[The] fucking” in front of them. As in, “The fucking G train” or “fucking LaGuardia Airport” or “The fucking DMV.” I-95 is one of those entities. Today the fucking bus broke down on fucking I-95. After a tense half-hour waiting […]

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I’d Like To Thank the Academy

And the Calphalon Stainless Steel 3 Quart Saute Pan goes to…. “Oh, wow. Wow. What an incredible moment. Just–just so many people. My incredible parents, Ann and Carl, who first made me aware of health hazards not necessarily on the radar of mainstream America. My brother, Noah, who told me that this was a good […]

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Relationship Woes At the Italian Pastry Shop

“I heard you and your girl broke up. You were together a long time, yeah?”“Two years.”“What happened?”“She was a money-hungry woman.”“Well, you’re a money-hungry guy.”“Exactly. Two money-hungry people is no good.”“But you gave her everything!”“I gave her everything and more.”“So what’d she want?”“She wanted blood.”“You took her to Miami!”“I took her to Italy, too. And […]

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Noise

Today was one of those days you could hear all the clocks ticking. I sat down after doing the dishes to admire them all lined up in the drainboard, blowing the air past my pursed lips with the authority that says, “What important task am I going to tackle with ease and aplomb next?” but […]

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IT is a Calphalon Triply Stainless Steel 3 Quart Saute Pan

Beware! Your Teflon pans can kill you, kill you dead. While you lie asleep in your bed at night, your Teflon pans are plotting your demise. So sleep with one eye open, because the Teflon pans in your kitchen are waiting for just the right moment to slink into your bedroom, pull back the covers […]

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Poetry for and by 25-year-olds

If you enjoy poetry other than haikus, some really great poems are here. Rachel Schiff writes them. Rachel turned 25 this month. Here is a poem just for her. by Gregory Corsofrom Gasoline1958 I AM 25 With a love a madness for Shelley Chatterton Rimbaudand the needy-yap of my youth has gone from ear to […]

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Medical Drama

The doctor on television is desperately giving CPR to a character who’s only just been introduced in this episode, not even a special guest star but someone you vaguely recognize as having played the husband of the woman who was killed on the legal show and maybe the paramedic from the other medical drama, the […]

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